Ups & Downs in life are unavoidable:
no matter the amount of experience you think you have
no matter how much you think you've prepared
no matter how well you think life is going
With every up there comes a down...just like in physics...'what goes up, must come down'...
I've come to accept this fact...but now what?
Just because you know something is always around the corner, doesn't mean you can somehow avoid it or be fully prepared to handle it.
...
Right now everything's in a haze. I can still think, but I can't seem to find the hidden answer(s) which I'm seeking. My emotions are everywhere, barely controllable in the presence of others; each day it's like I have to become a different person.
How long will it take me to figure things out this time??
I don't know.
All that I know right now is that despite everything being nearly perfect something is.....off; as if it's out of place or doesn't belong entirely...
This problem resides within me. Possibly I'm just over thinking...perhaps the choices I've been making are wrong...or are upsetting those I love...or maybe something I hold dear to my heart really is beginning to vanish...whatever it is I don't know...
I'm afraid of what's to come...and I don't mean school, jobs, etc.
I mean I'm afraid of this...of this feeling...of what this is really about; I don't know how my mind will act...I don't want to relive that experience...
It feels like I can spend an eternity simply thinking...as if there's so much to reflect upon, but there isn't. When I think it's always the same things coming into my head. Rather than thinking over/about events I find myself thinking about this feeling, I can't explain it or rather I don't know how to explain it...
Time seems to be flying by, not caring whether or not I'm ready to fly with it. As I search for the answer(s) I seek time feels as though it's slipping through my fingers; I almost wish for time to stop, while I figure out my own mind.
I want to leave...and get away from it all...
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Reflection...
Through out the day, I experience many, many different emotions/feelings. It's a mix of good and bad, but the important thing in life (as I always say) is to be happy and positive, and just you know, forgive all the wrongs done to you and the hurt dealt to you...
I feel that in life I've grown so much in the past 7 years...it's absolutely crazy when I think about it! I went from being the outcast of the 'popular' crowd to being part of a group of absolutely AMAZING people; I went from someone who thought that appearances were everything to someone who doesn't even wear makeup unless it's a special occasion; I used to be someone who was so self-centered and only cared about what everyone thought of me to now being someone who could care less what judgmental people think; I was the type of person who would go along with anything my friends wanted, even if I didn't feel comfortable, to now standing my ground, and voicing my opinion.
Saying all of these things about how I was and who I used to be isn't to impress anyone, or anything like that for the matter. It's just a fact that I've changed so much, and it's all thanks to the friends I have and everyone that's been involved in my past, regardless of what role they played...
Some people might think that I'm really 'wise', and in truth yeah I guess in some ways I am...but it's not because I'm Asian (haha I just had to put that in) but it's because of all the experiences I've been through, and what I've seen in life. Most people 'see' different people, and the different types of 'groups' out there and only get to 'experience' (themselves) one group.
I have had the pleasure/blessing/luck/ability/chance (whatever you wish to call it) of both experiencing AND seeing different groups and different people. And I truly do feel blessed to have been able to have that chance, because of that I have learn to accept so much more, and to have my eyes opened to a wider spectrum of things. I love being in a minority, I love being of another ethnicity. And I really do enjoy being able to weave in between the lines, like I can be a Dance Co. member, and still be a nerd/geek who's in orchestra and gets good grades, yet I can still be someone who isn't just known for having brains. I love telling guys that I am a gamer and that I love sports, but at the same time I can still get all dolled up and look like a girly girl.
I've just grown so much in life, and am so thankful for everything that I have now.
So back to the whole being 'wise' thing...I think it's just a matter of learning in life, and applying what you've learned. These past few months have definitely been a roller coaster, and I've learned so much from them. I feel that recently I've been able to really learn about myself and how to express my emotions and control them. Recently I experienced a not so pleasant event and was upset about it, and instead of covering it up and saving it for later, I just took time right after the event to pause and think and reflect over everything. And I took about 10-15 minutes to sit and just really think to myself, didn't talk to anyone or anything, to let myself be upset for that window of time. And when that time came to an end, it was time to just let the event go...and not trying to sound all 'macho' or anything, but it was hard even for me to just 'let it go'. But when thinking about these things, it's better to think on behalf of everyone in your life, if you stayed upset, that's not going to help your friends at all...and so sometimes you just have to get yourself to do things for your friends, because you love them.
So yes, wisdom comes from experience, but people who are truly wise know to take that knowledge and to use/apply it in life. Just simply learning something isn't enough, that doesn't make a difference, but actually applying it and really taking it to heart to make yourself a better person is part of life.
See every hardship as an opportunity to learn.
I feel that in life I've grown so much in the past 7 years...it's absolutely crazy when I think about it! I went from being the outcast of the 'popular' crowd to being part of a group of absolutely AMAZING people; I went from someone who thought that appearances were everything to someone who doesn't even wear makeup unless it's a special occasion; I used to be someone who was so self-centered and only cared about what everyone thought of me to now being someone who could care less what judgmental people think; I was the type of person who would go along with anything my friends wanted, even if I didn't feel comfortable, to now standing my ground, and voicing my opinion.
Saying all of these things about how I was and who I used to be isn't to impress anyone, or anything like that for the matter. It's just a fact that I've changed so much, and it's all thanks to the friends I have and everyone that's been involved in my past, regardless of what role they played...
Some people might think that I'm really 'wise', and in truth yeah I guess in some ways I am...but it's not because I'm Asian (haha I just had to put that in) but it's because of all the experiences I've been through, and what I've seen in life. Most people 'see' different people, and the different types of 'groups' out there and only get to 'experience' (themselves) one group.
I have had the pleasure/blessing/luck/ability/chance (whatever you wish to call it) of both experiencing AND seeing different groups and different people. And I truly do feel blessed to have been able to have that chance, because of that I have learn to accept so much more, and to have my eyes opened to a wider spectrum of things. I love being in a minority, I love being of another ethnicity. And I really do enjoy being able to weave in between the lines, like I can be a Dance Co. member, and still be a nerd/geek who's in orchestra and gets good grades, yet I can still be someone who isn't just known for having brains. I love telling guys that I am a gamer and that I love sports, but at the same time I can still get all dolled up and look like a girly girl.
I've just grown so much in life, and am so thankful for everything that I have now.
So back to the whole being 'wise' thing...I think it's just a matter of learning in life, and applying what you've learned. These past few months have definitely been a roller coaster, and I've learned so much from them. I feel that recently I've been able to really learn about myself and how to express my emotions and control them. Recently I experienced a not so pleasant event and was upset about it, and instead of covering it up and saving it for later, I just took time right after the event to pause and think and reflect over everything. And I took about 10-15 minutes to sit and just really think to myself, didn't talk to anyone or anything, to let myself be upset for that window of time. And when that time came to an end, it was time to just let the event go...and not trying to sound all 'macho' or anything, but it was hard even for me to just 'let it go'. But when thinking about these things, it's better to think on behalf of everyone in your life, if you stayed upset, that's not going to help your friends at all...and so sometimes you just have to get yourself to do things for your friends, because you love them.
So yes, wisdom comes from experience, but people who are truly wise know to take that knowledge and to use/apply it in life. Just simply learning something isn't enough, that doesn't make a difference, but actually applying it and really taking it to heart to make yourself a better person is part of life.
See every hardship as an opportunity to learn.
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