Inevitable.....

Ups & Downs in life are unavoidable:
no matter the amount of experience you think you have
no matter how much you think you've prepared
no matter how well you think life is going

With every up there comes a down...just like in physics...'what goes up, must come down'...

I've come to accept this fact...but now what?
Just because you know something is always around the corner, doesn't mean you can somehow avoid it or be fully prepared to handle it.

...

Right now everything's in a haze. I can still think, but I can't seem to find the hidden answer(s) which I'm seeking. My emotions are everywhere, barely controllable in the presence of others; each day it's like I have to become a different person.

How long will it take me to figure things out this time??
I don't know.

All that I know right now is that despite everything being nearly perfect something is.....off; as if it's out of place or doesn't belong entirely...

This problem resides within me. Possibly I'm just over thinking...perhaps the choices I've been making are wrong...or are upsetting those I love...or maybe something I hold dear to my heart really is beginning to vanish...whatever it is I don't know...

I'm afraid of what's to come...and I don't mean school, jobs, etc.
I mean I'm afraid of this...of this feeling...of what this is really about; I don't know how my mind will act...I don't want to relive that experience...

It feels like I can spend an eternity simply thinking...as if there's so much to reflect upon, but there isn't. When I think it's always the same things coming into my head. Rather than thinking over/about events I find myself thinking about this feeling, I can't explain it or rather I don't know how to explain it...

Time seems to be flying by, not caring whether or not I'm ready to fly with it. As I search for the answer(s) I seek time feels as though it's slipping through my fingers; I almost wish for time to stop, while I figure out my own mind.

I want to leave...and get away from it all...